Wading Through Those Pandemic Conflicts...
We’ve been existing solely in the same small house for 7 weeks now. No one is going to works. No one is running either girl to gymnastics or ballet. We aren’t running out to the store or to meet with a friend or to a church meeting. We’re home.
For the most part, we’ve enjoyed it.
But for the other parts…it can get explosive.
Two adults who approach a pandemic and weeks at home from a different strategy, a different philosophy for what will make this turn out well: good fodder for
conflict.
Last night we had a doozie sneak up on us. I still am not certain where it came from or what made both of us furious at the other. Maybe it’s just the result of so much time together. The dissecting of it all hasn’t happened yet. I’m not even quite yet ready to own my part; in my inner self, I’m still holding on that I was justified in my anger. But as I woke up this morning, remembering the words I said, and the way my face looked, and my eyes that rolled, I felt the choice in front of me:
Will I believe that God is able to redeem, and will I worship Him before I see it all worked out, will I worship Him for His coming rescue for us, because…
that’s what He does, that’s who He is
before I see it all worked out
Will I worship my God this morning because I’m an adopted daughter of the Creator God? In my spirit, will I dance in worship around what was dark and ugly and…really not right on my part…because of the unbelievable grace that has been poured out on me, that I get to be forgiven for my sin? Or in my mind, will I choose to functionally believe for these moments that we are unredeemable (although if I was pressed I would say I know God will help us)…or will I choose to line up my beliefs with all that God has said and done, and believe that we are cared for, over and over rescued, and are in a great story of being redeemed and sanctified by all-powerful God?
That’s my choice this morning, in the face of another pandemic conflict. It feels like a small choice and yet a huge effort to move from this well-worn natural-inclination path in my mind to God’s new path that He has birthed within me. I choose His path.